the zhaf speaks

Sunday, January 30, 2005:

rewind, fast-forward

ever so soft, slowly intensifying. the ephemeral sounds begin to emanate from the speakers, the bass pounds affirmatively. a dozen melodies deftly orchestrated, no, choreographed ineffably. resonance in my head, tremors in the soul. the past relived, emotions rekindled, even if just for a few moments.

life in all it's splendour and mystique. it really is rather poetic when you don't quite comprehend, you know absolutely nothing about how it all works, simply allowing yourself to be swept away by the emotional currents, enraptured by life's exotic melodies. so intense, how immensely euphoric the highs are, how excruciatingly despondent the lows can be.

the music continues to play, and yet again i catch a glimpse of the vestiges of times long gone. i flirt with the shadows of yesteryear and dance with a past already set in stone. i hear their words whether tender or caustic, i smell exquisite scents wafting in from a not-so-distant time, i reach through the mists of time and once again i reach out and feel that warmth and tenderness. how sad it is that the intensity of it all has diminished. the music doesn't feel as good anymore. and just like cher beautifully expresses...
"the music's no good without you"
and yet, i'd be just as ready to get up and leave. there are more important things in my life after all. yep, as usual, hindsight's 6/6.

reliving the past, i get my occasional fix of yesteryear. i do my best to take all that felt empowering, that made me feel alive. then i see where i wanna end up at tomorrow. and today, right here, right now, i start moving on, smiling on the inside, poker face on the outside.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:47 pm

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Tuesday, January 11, 2005:

yep so i left the house keys at the office, which of course meant that i would have to sleep outside the house (because i don't want to call the house and rouse everyone, i'm nice that way). here's the killer, i just gave my bro a duplicate set of keys few days back, which he simply had to leave in our room. two of us sleeping in my dad's unlocked car parked in the front porch. things have a way of getting to us sometimes. especially my bro's snoring at 345am. wake up and buy some drinks from esso across the road to fuel contemplation at our friendly neighbourhood overhead bridge with the euphoric night breeze a-blowin. and here i am now.

supper earlier on at the railway station earlier with the posse was a good one. the guy really knows how to flip his pratas, inside out, upside down. but as usual even after 2 pratas and 2 ramly chicken burgers yours truly isn't satiated. food aside, it is definitely something to look back on. faz me bro jason steve benny davidang and stowaway-tammy. indeed. tis' the stuff memories are made of. not to mention truly understanding that it takes much more than a mere upsized paycheck to earn respect. we're a team and we're fucking lucky to have each other, because i know for a fact that my back is covered and i have their backs covered too. we talk the talk, and more importantly we walk the walk, together. 19 days left till 31jan dudes. fight on fight on.

it's just like fighting for starbiz in august. well but in comparison, august was easy mode and now it's somewhere round hard or impossible mode. which means there is that much more to learn, a much bigger opportunity for us to grow through and prove our worth, because anyone worth his/her salt never backed down from a challenge. yes we all have our fears and insecurities, but facing up to them and in time overcoming them is what sets us apart and marks our way to the attainment of ineffability.

i always tell those who matter to me that it is not about who we are that matters most. it's about who we want to be. after listening to jimmy and pat, it dawned upon me that another requirement perhaps more vital than the previous ones are sheer desire and belief that you can and will change to become that person much greater. and if i don't belief that i'll get to that place up high, fight the good fight, and simply that i will get it done, then i've lost already. digging deep to find that belief is a struggle sometimes. searching for it i've found hope, joy, sadness, anger, forgiveness, happiness and love of course. all those reasons to keep trudging on, coupled with the belief that i will get there. and sometimes it is all that keeps me going during my darkest moments, that glimmer of hope, the light at the end. God give me strength, because now more than ever, i need it.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 2:02 pm

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Saturday, January 01, 2005:

the next episode

new year's overhyped. really. every day's the perfect opportunity for a new beginning after all. but if everyone's having fun i don't see why i shouldn't be doing what i do all the time. best wishes for 2005 ppl, live well. thanks to those who called/sms-ed. but yes the year most definitely ended with a big bang. fantabulous company really.

after wrapping things up at the office the four of us got our game on. marc, fuz, my bro and myself, down to zouk at 815 only to see a pretty screwed up que that was static. so fcuk that we headed to spize to refuel. fantastic roti john over there, BEST in singapore and jb! shameless advertising but i shit you not kiddos. now that was the real start of nye. good food to fuel marathon revelry aight.

the warehouse party was decent. not the best atmosphere/ambience, and the acoustics left a great deal to be desired, but hey the company was good and what better way to close one chapter and go on to the next? coco latte afterwards was rather crowded but yea, nice crowd with all my colleagues and bangin' groovy music. and of course we come full circle by having a premature breakfast at spize. roti john once more hahaha.

shiong month ahead. it's really now or never. no shit sherlock. nike jus do it. for once new year's resolutions are in absentia, not that surprising considering the planning started from way, way back. truly this is the big bang, we'll make jan a big bang. come what may, as long as there is breath in my lungs, as long as the blood courses through my veins, as long as this dude is alive and kicking, i will press on. hey alpha chapter dudes if you're reading this... COURAGE!

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 1:06 pm

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